Uptime Girl, by Tom Hinds

Uptime girl
She's been living in her uptime world
I bet she never had an NPC
Until that downtime that brought her to me
And set me free,
She's an uptime girl
I was appearing in her downtime return
"Generic peasant with distinctive grin"
She asked directions to the Red Warlock inn
Knew I was in!

And though she's much
Higher level than me-e-e
Especially since her
Adventure XP-e-e
She'll see that I can be
Just as good as a PC

She's an uptime girl
Can't get near her in her uptime world
Unless the refs will send me in one day
And then our happiness won't be far away
Then I can stay
With my uptime girl
She's getting tired of the Goblin crowd
Their fancy backgrounds and their freakish ways
Flashing the cash they steal from people they slay
Plus weekly pay

I'll take her places
We'll feel so subli-i-ime
We'll take vacations in
Holiday travel time
Find nice spots in the hills
With my local Knowledge Skills

Oh, uptime girl
She looks so pretty in her shiny kit
Armed to the teeth and laced in a corset
While I'm stuck with this old armoury shit
Looking a twit

Whoaoaoaoaoaoaoaoaoao… etc.

She's an uptime girl
Her major actions might keep her busy
But I'm sure that she will notice me
I'll hang around her root facility
Where she can see
Uptime girl
She's my uptime girl - Etc.
And I'm her NPC.