Michaelmas term 2017!
By Max Topp-Mugglestone on Monday 25th September 2017
Welcome to Durham University Canoe Club!
We've got plenty of
exciting stuff planned for you this term -- whether you're a returning
member or a fresher who's never been in a boat there'll be something for
you every single week. Keep an eye on the events tab and on our facebook group for more!
First up are our taster sessions! These are free to anyone who wants to
come along and have a go at canoeing and meet the club. All you need is
some swimwear, a towel, and a change of clothes! The dates are as follows below (beware of the printing mistake on our flier!)
Saturday 7th October, 13:00 - 15:00
Saturday 7th October, 15:30 - 17:30
Sunday 8th October, 13:00 - 15:00
Sunday 8th October, 15:30 - 17:30
Wednesday 11th October, 12:45 - 15:00
Sunday 15th October, 13:00 - 15:00
Sunday 15th October, 15:30 - 17:30
On October 10th is our first social of term -- come along and get to know us!
Look out for our fresher's weekend events, including a beginner's canoe
polo tournament and our Fresher's river trip -- you can already sign up
for the river trip if you're keen!
https://community.dur.ac.uk/canoe.club/event.php?id=720 (log in using your DUO username and password)
The weekend will culminate in a fantastic social -- details TBA!
Make sure to come and check out our stall at the sports fair on the 3rd
of October -- we'll be happy to answer any questions you might have, or
just to have a chat!
BUCS polo 2017
By Calum Spooner on Tuesday 2nd May 2017
Last weekend was the return of the annual BUCS polo
tournament, this year being held at Holme Pierrepont, Nottingham. The Men’s A
team started off their weekend with a convincing 10-0 win against Surrey followed
by an 8-0 win vs. Lancaster; this concluded their games for Saturday. Sunday
also started with a slightly less convincing 4-0 win against London to secure
their spot in the semi-finals, where they came up against the previous
champions Leeds, Durham prevailed this time with an 8-0 win guaranteeing their
place in the final. The final saw Durham replay London, this time with 10
minute halves rather than 6. The final result was 10-2 to Durham A team – achieving
first place overall, but unfortunately not holding on to their clean sheet.
The Old boys’ team was not quite so successful with 2 wins
and 5 losses resulting in 11th place overall.
The ladies team got off to a slightly shaky start with a 1-0
loss to Liverpool John Moore’s (who ended up 2nd). However, a 5-0
victory against Teesside got them back on track, while the next game against
Cambridge was much more even; with the result being 1-1 at full time, it was
down to golden goal – although the golden goal time didn’t last long with
Durham winning the sprint and almost immediately scoring. The final game on
Saturday was soon after, against Warwick, which was much less even ending in a
4-0 win to Durham. Sunday got off to a good start with a 2-1 win against
Loughborough. However, successive losses to Bangor and Nottingham ladies
resulted in a 6th place finish for the Durham ladies.
The B team began their competition with a 5-0 win against
Swansea followed by a 1-0 loss to Nottingham, but they were quickly back to
their winning ways with a 4-1 win against Sheffield and a 2-0 win against
Loughborough to finish off their Saturday. Sunday started equally as good with
a 2-0 win against Southampton afterwards beating London 4-0 securing their place
in the final. However, a spanner was thrown in the works when Phil had to leave
before the final, meaning only a team of only 4 players against Nottingham.
Despite being a player down Durham still played fantastically with a final
score 7-2 to Nottingham meaning Durham B’s finished 2nd in B league.
By Molly Agar on Saturday 1st April 2017
With only three swims, this year’s trip up to Scotland can
probably be called a success. Arriving at Roybridge at gone midnight didn’t
stop us from getting up and paddling some great rivers the next day, and the
rivers didn’t stop being fun all trip (although the Meig could be argued as
being more rock than river!). Even the snow didn’t dampen people’s mood and it
was with great spirit that we decided to visit a whisky distillery instead that
morning! The free samples didn’t stop us from getting on a river that afternoon,
although several people ended up in other people’s boats. Everyone paddled
amazingly well and I think it’s fair to say that everyone had a good time.
National Student Rodeo 2017 -- not the end of the world!
By Max Topp-Mugglestone on Sunday 12th March 2017
Last weekend was the British university freestyle kayaking competition, the National Student Rodeo. This took place in HPP,
Nottingham, on the lake next to the whitewater course as the whitewater
course had, as a result of the rain causing the water quality to drop
substantially, been forced to shut down
and would probably have given us some kind of nasty disease...
Potentially worse than any hangover, although some of us endeavoured to
challenge that. In competition news, congratulations are in order to
Molly Agar, who not only was one of only two people who
got up in the morning to compete in an event but also qualified for the
Women's expert final in k1, and took first place in Women's c1, only
partly by virtue of being the only girl in a c1 -- she displayed some
excellent moves in the final, including a flatwater
flatspin (aka: a turn), but the real highlight was delivering this joke
to the crowd "How many canoeists does it take to change a lightbulb? One
to get on and do it, three to stand around and lie about the size of the hole." Molly and I also took first place in the c2
competition - the only issue with which being the lack of a c2
competition, so although we didn't actually win a real event I like to
think we won the hearts of the crowd with our valiant efforts
against the k2s in the boatercross. The Imperial Cruiser might have
started to go the way of the Titanic, but this isn't the last you'll see
The other -- very much welcome -- surprise appearance over the weekend was that of the sun, meaning that this NSR was actually surprisingly warm and nobody got hypothermia or felt the desire to spoon with nine other people in a tent (to the group's general chagrin).
As a new form of competition for this year's NSR, I, ex-captain Liam,
and social sec Philippa came up with a list of Extra Credit Points
(ECPs) for activities performed over the weekend -- tasks including
swapping clothes with a stranger, binning people, stealing
a stranger's costume, maintaining possession of the Duck of Doom, and
telling a big deal “I can’t believe you’re sponsored! I’m so much better
Points were also deducted for crashing cars, chundering, requiring ambulances, injuring oneself, and complaining about the cold -- which, despite the sunshine, still happened frequently.
Josh took an early lead at the Friday night party with the ECPs,
managing to take fifty points from selfies with strangers and the safety
team. However, Ronan was quick to catch up on the second day by binning
an entirely immoral number of paddlers as part
of his safety team duties. However, the judges' decision ruled against
this -- as the spirit of NSR is more in the variety and less in the
repetition of the same ECP (as in the original BIGDEALS rules). The game
was well and truly afoot by now and would all
be decided in the Saturday night party -- eventually to be won by Laura
who not only had possession of the 200pt Duck of Doom on Sunday morning
but also managed to complete the greatest variety of other ECPs.
That said, we respect the sheer volume of people binned by Ronan and as
such he is awarded a special prize -- the "Tsar Nicholas II Award for
Being a Mean Bastard"
A further honorable mention goes to Molly again, for a grand score of
350 points (potentially second place; counting is hard) -- picking up
some of the more obscure ECPs including getting a shoutout from the NSR
announcers ("Hide and Seek Champion of NSR 2k17"
-- ask her for the story).
For our winner and runners up, several exciting prizes are on their way, to be presented at a later social.
Durham take victory at the 2016 Tyne Tour party
By Max Topp-Mugglestone on Sunday 13th November 2016
Continuing this year's excellent competition record, putting weekends worth of training into practice, Durham University won the Saturday night party at Tyne Tour after a stellar performance in the Ceilidh. Seeing that the best tactic to win the party might begin with eliminating the opposition, this involved going old-school on the dance floor, old-school meaning mediaeval and mediaeval meaning imitating a battering ram in the midst of dancing couples. Star appearances include: Dani, for her excellent role as party car owner and noble self-sacrifice to her own door; Laura and Javier for crushing the descent of the river; Josh for the loudest snoring of all time; Captain Liam for his iconic - if stupid - hairstyle; and Ant for his swim.
Durham Success at Adidas Sickline
By Anthony Stewart on Friday 14th October 2016
A massive congratulations go to Durham alumna, Sandra Hyslop, for becoming World Champion at the Adidas Sickline.
You can watch her incredible run below:
Welcome to Durham University Canoe Club
By Mark Ledger on Thursday 22nd September 2016
Hello and welcome to Durham University Canoe Club,
We have lots of exciting plans for this term for you to check
From the 8th to the 19th of October we
will be running a series of FREE taster sessions both at Maiden Castle in
Durham and the Holliday building in Stockton. These are relaxed sessions where
you’ll be taught the basics of paddling and play some games to hone your new
skills. So whether you’re a complete beginner or an experienced paddler that
wants to meet the club, why not come along and see what we have to offer? Book
your place on the events page (https://community.dur.ac.uk/canoe.club/events.php).
All equipment is provided free of charge, just bring a towel, swimsuit/shorts,
old shoes you don’t mind getting wet and an extra layer for under your
On the club’s Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/groups/canoe.club/)
there are also links to our social events, which are a great chance to get to
know the club better. There are currently plans for a themed bar crawl, BBQ and
a club meal, so keep eye out for each week’s activities.
a big date for the diary, whether you’re a new or existing member is the return
of Tyne Tour. On the 4th-6th November the club will be travelling to
Hexham (that’s 50min north-west in case you’re new to the area) to attend the
biggest canoe/kayaking festival in Europe. Two days of paddling exciting rivers
(suitable for beginners), good food and drink, and a Ceilidh. Sign-up ASAP as
places will fill up fast.
including our BUCS events (inter-university competitions) and weekly sessions can
be found in the events section of the website, under the regular sessions tab
(https://community.dur.ac.uk/canoe.club/sessions.php). The Wednesday
recreational session and the beginner’s pool sessions are particularly suited
to new paddlers
Hull International Canoe Polo Tournament
By Liam Price on Friday 5th August 2016
Are you ready paddlers?
You: Aye-aye captain!
I can’t hear you!
You: Aye-aye captain!
Oh! Who went to ‘Hull’, oh did you see?
Kayakin’ and ballin’ and drinkin’ were we
If water based nonsense be something you wish….
Then pull off your deck and swim like a fish
D-UUUUU….C-CEEEEEEE Hahahaha ahahahah
So first and foremost if any of you did not sing along to
that, I am very disappointed in you. As penance you can start again and sing it
out loud. So why have I done this? I felt it was essential to introduce the
club’s trip down to the Hull international with a song. You may have noticed
that the word Hull was being mugged by inverted comma’s above and this is with
good reason. Due to building works the tournament could not take place in Hull
itself, it took place a little outside of Hull. Upon arrival the smell that greeted
you could be perhaps best described as a quirky Yankie Candle scent. The name
of which being: “nearby manure pile”. 1/10 would not recommend. So we pitched
our tents and all that, except that is for Sarah ‘Judas’ Ehmann who decided to
abuse her local contacts and stay the night in Emily’s house in, get this, a
bed! Totally betraying the kayaking ethos of being a cold and uncomfortable
while on weekends away.
So matches didn’t start until the Saturday morning, so we
went to the bar. I know what you’re all asking: how drunk did Danni get? But
that wasn’t until the Saturday night. I don’t think we really did much, perhaps
socialised a bit, maybe had an early-ish night because we’re #funpeople. So the
way the tournament worked is as follows: 3 divisions (div 1-3) each divided
into 2 groups. Each group plays a round-robin to produce a league table. You
then play the corresponding team from the other group to decide your final position.
So first in one group plays first in the other, second plays second and so on.
So Durham were in Div 2, in the group not containing Tees Tigres B, which like
the previous tournament had strong Durham representation. So a bit about the
team before we go any furher as it was mostly, but not entirely Durham. So from
Durham were Sarah, Jasz, Dan and myself, with a delightful pair of people by
the names of Shaune and Jess. Because I’m all clever and things I had forgotten
how names work and thought Shaune was pronounced Shwane when I first read it.
The first day started off less than ideal, with a 2-1 defeat
to a St. Albans team we really should have beaten. It was our first time playing
as a team though, so that provides some excuse at least. This was followed by a
rather high scoring game in which we won 6-3. As the score line suggests we
started to work better as a team in this one. We had a bit of a break until the
next one, so we got to relax a bit, watch some polo and enjoy the agricultural
smelling surroundings. An important game was up next, another university team,
a game which our pride would not allow us to lose. University of London were
the team in question. Despite the fact that we lost the first game, they were
our toughest opponents yet. The goals came from both sides, neither team able
to pull ahead, unitl finally Durham did, a 4-3 win showing the
#durhamdifference. A relatively straightforward game followed against Scotia B,
a 4-2 win. That was that for the day, with three games left to play the next
day. So we went out for a meal, eventually finding somewhere that everyone
liked the look of wasn’t completely booked out by a party. As the European championships
were still going on, we got to enjoy the Germany-Italy game that was on at the
time. Unfortunately Sarah had to leave before the match got interesting, and
subsequently missed the goals and penalty shoot-out that went to the the ninth
The FOA team we played next was a team with a fair few kids
on, cos FOA, and size may have been a main reason behind the 7-2 victory we
enjoyed. This only left the armed forces team, a fairly formidable looking set
of opponents. This was both our hardest
and most enjoyable game of polo yet, which I guess is a good thing, made better
by a 3-2 win. It was around now that most of us were flagging somewhat, but
Shaune “the energiser bunny” Walsh and Dan I feel somewhat carried by being
able to break at speed towards the end of this game. This only left the
cross-overs now. We finished second overall thanks to the Armed Forces team
having a better goal difference than us. This meant we faced (Kami-) Kamikazee
(, take me to the party) (for the MØ fans out there). This is a very good team,
that had scored a lot of goals in their half of the draw. So while it was disappointing
to lose 1-0, we did well not to concede more and they were probably deserving
winners. This meant we came 4th overall, and Tigers B came in a respectable
10th, which given they came in looking for a challenge, they did
well. That left packing up and heading home and breathing clean air again.
Yorkshire Knockout Tournament
By Liam Price on Tuesday 19th July 2016
Durham University recently ventured forth down to Leeds to
partake in the Yorkshire Knockout tournament at the Waterfront Festival. So
this was a one day event, unsurprisingly given the title, in Leeds. So over the
weekend there were things like dragon boats filled with minions and mimes (not
Mr mimes as pokemon Go hadn’t come out yet), a live band and what Richard Chew
from Harrogate described on facebook as “some daft sport I’ve never seen before
involving kayaks and a football”. Before we go into the polo I’ll tell you
about the highlight of my weekend. So there was the UK streetfood championships
going on, and if you would allow me to paint you a mental smell picture. It was
a nasal paradise, with bratwurst demanding the attention of your right nostril,
then some exquisite chicken tikka would demand the attention of your other
nostril. What was my favourite, I hear you ask? With all of these delicacies on
offer, in which stall did I venture? I’ll leave you in suspense until the end,
because this will be fun.
So onto the polo side of things. The intrepid Durham Team was
made up of Phil Dean, Jenny, Sarah, Dan and myself. There was also strong representation
from Durham in Tees Tigers, with Ant, Emma and Danni making up 3/5ths of the
team. And yes you did read that right, Phil Dean literally dusted off his polo
boat to make an appearance. I won’t bore you with the details of every game,
save to say the Durham team did really well in the round-robin stage,
overcoming virtually all in their (our) path. Because I am the one writing
this, I will inform you of my paddle shot that was really close. Looking at the
scoresheet, Dan was probably number 2, Phil was maybe number 3. Midway through
the day there was an exhibition match with Phil, Dan and I want to say Ant
played in, all representing Durham commendably.
In the afternoon there were a few more matches, leading to
two semi-finals. Durham faced White Rose, formidable foes indeed. However a 3-1
win saw them off. This set up a final against Tees Tigers. This was a very
tense final, with Durham emerging as victors due by two goals to nill.
And so this meant we have the resulting photo:
So we have a shiny trophy now. Huzza.
So my favourite element of the delicacies of the best of British Streetfood?
None of it, because they packed up by the time they finished. I almost cried.
National Student Rodeo 2016
By Jean Chabrelie on Monday 7th March 2016
guys for all of those that missed NSR I'll try to summarise what you've not had
the chance to experience.
NSR started straight off the bat with a messy pre drinking session that
involved "Shots in a tube" (England still holds many mysteries from
me to unravel) and ungodly amounts of pizza (that Mic still
expects compensation for). As soon as everyone felt the presence of NSR's two
main enemies (cold and sobriety) be negated by the sheer amount of alcohol they
consumed they went to the main tent for a memorable
party that involved more alcohol, half naked campers rave music and Max, who is an absolute legend on the dance
The next day started out with everyone in great
shape for kayaking. In other words, utterly gutted to have been pulled out their
tents and exposed to their hangovers.
Anyway we had loads of great performances by Anthony play
boating and rocking the C1, Eleanor kayaking
in a hipster way: aka, without useless mainstream things like paddles. Harry decided that he was too hungover for this shit so he just
straight out went for a cheeky swim cementing his position as the club's
greatest ever swimmer. Good performances by Ronan as well
who made intermediate level a position Captain Ward has been gunning for the
last 3 years. Parisa was one of the club's best hopes but she decided that she
would be fashionably late for the Women's intermediate final which she missed
by a slight margin of a couple of hours. Liam and ex
Captain ward reminded us that bromance isn't dead with their great performance
on the Duo.
Big congratulations to both Mark and Dan Sheppard for their
work saving people's lives all weekend. They even saved one crazed madman who
was going down the course in his boxers and swimming for fun (a nudist version
party on Saturday night was pretty epic people were wondering why we came in
togas to a Christmas special but we came up with an excuse like Romans killed Jesus
whose birth created Christmas. That's still better than: our social sec Alex wanted
to re-use an old costume. However, he was sexy in that mini skirt though so we
let it slide.
Shout out to Emma for
giving us an adult friendly reindeer costume no-one will forget.
we didn't get much recognition for our efforts in the prise giving I've come up
with my own:
keen swimmer: Harry
Nicest person on the dancefloor: Liam
Kinkiest costume: Emma and Alex
Best raver: Max
Most sleep during Nsr: Jennifer
Roughest morning: Eli Bacon
Best NSR spirit: Jake and Eleanor
Most allusive: Taylor
Local League 31/1/16
By Liam Price on Wednesday 3rd February 2016
Last Sunday we ventured yet again to the furthest place away
ever (York) for a polo competition. I now this as local league, but I don’t
really know what that means. I’m such a good info sec. On the trip over I found
out Alex and I share a taste in music, which is always fun to find out (does
that fact make up for not knowing what we competed in?). It was also ducking
freezing waiting outside, so cold in fact that the temperature sensors on the
cars read ‘as balls’. We played in the very first game, and in the warm up I
didn’t throw a ball at the pool staff, which is always good. I know I don’t
need to tell you all the scores as you will all have been avidly following the
updates on twitter (@durhamunicanoe), but I will anyway as I should be doing a
summative, and the longer this takes, the longer I can put it off for. The first
game was a fairly easy 4-1 win, with some solid team play despite not having
played together before. Their goal was a late ish consolation goal that was a
bit lucky, an ambitious long range shot from memory. Five of us thought we had
scored, so the only conclusion that can be drawn is that saboteurs attempted to
derail our march to victory by omitting a goal.
Otter wasteman (Barker, 2016)
For those not au fait with the local Yorkshire polo clubs, this is a reference
to Yorkshire Otters polo team.
The second game was somewhat closer, only a 2-0 victory. The
standard of opposition was greater though, so not an unreasonable result. Drama
came when during a chase for a ball Jean got hit in the chin by a boat. The exchange
after went something like this:
Opposition player: Are you ok?
Jean: *cracks jaw*
Opposition player: *Paddles away looking slightly afraid*
Further drama occurred when Alex decided to show off and show the entire pool
just how good his roll was. He decided one roll wasn’t enough and went straight
back over, his mighty roll was just too powerful again and he went all 360o
for a second time, only to swim this time.
An easy 5-0 win followed in the next game, and I think it
was in this game that Jasz found her scoring touch. Alex was binned miles off
the ball and rolled up faster than a really fast thing, I guess out of sheer
anger. I nearly missed an open goal, hitting the bottom bar, but luckily the
rebound went in to save my blushes. It was after this game Alex pointed out he
hadn’t lost a sprint yet and instantly regretted it.
As hubris dictates, Alex lost the next sprint, but the other
guy was really quick, in fairness. The last match was the most enjoyable of the
lot, with a 4-1 win really making it all the better. Cramp struck Alex
underwater, forcing a swim. Someone tried to bin Dan, resulting in him moving
slightly to the side.
Everyone on the team got on the scoresheet, Parrisa bagging
a few, Jasz with a few, Dan got a few when he had literally no other options
but to shoot. The top scorer is up for debate a bit, but Alex and Jean got a
similar number. Katherine did a top job in goal, only conceding 2 in 4 games.
We didn’t have the almost obligatory curry, but I had the cheesiest chessey
chips I ever had the privilege to behold. When you thought no more drama could
occur, Jasz stopped to try and help a dog on the way home.
Team: Alex, (OMG its) Dan Robson, Jasz, Jean, Katherine,